Crazy Can't Be Fixed!!!

Well, I haven't posted since my first post because the craziness was so overwhelming.  Literally.  This time had me asking myself, "Am I Crazy?" so I had to go to a therapist to tell me I'm not.  Pathetic.  If anyone reads this, they will truly not believe it.  I, myself, would be thinking there has to be more to the story or another side of it.  Sadly, no.  So I've told myself that I'll go back to writing about each individual to try to put some pieces together for my own sanity.  Want to know what happened?  Seriously, be ready to scratch your head and even laugh.  It is so ludicrous that it is actually funny.  My daughter has one Michael Kors purse that we bought last summer at the outlet.  It was around $130.00.  Well, before we left for vacation I started just getting things together that each of my kids would need.  We put together outfits so we knew which accessories they'd need and tried to put together stuff that you could use the same shoes, etc. so there would be less to pack.  Well, the purse was gone from my daughter's closet.  She is definitely not a purse carrier!!  She's probably used it twice since last summer.  So, I actually asked her if she gave it away or threw it in the trash??  Needless to say she got mad at me for thinking she would do that.  The only other option was one that I did not want to deal with or face.  My niece, Tara, had to have "borrowed it without asking."  So I sent a text to not only Tara's parents (Ann and Steve) but also to my other sister, Beth, who is Brooke's mom.  I just said, "Hey, can y'all check and see if Rachel left her white Michael Kors purse  at any of y'all's houses."  Beth replied immediately and said she'd ask Brooke.  She then called and said she knew what was going on.  Tara has accidentally borrowed things from Brooke too.  But it's typically been makeup from both Brooke and Rachel.  Then I decided I should send a text to Tara and her younger sister, Megan, just asking them to look around at their mom's and dad's houses to see if Rachel left the purse there.  So, I wait.  Then I decide it would be helpful to have a pic of the purse.  The only pic I could find online (plus I didn't think it was going to turn into something so ridiculous) was one in brown so I sent it with a note that said it was the exact same purse but in white.  Get a response from Tara that says she'll look but she hasn't seen anything like that.  So I continue to SEARCH my house!  And I mean rip closets apart, even though the rational part of me knew where that purse went.  My heart didn't want to believe it.  So a day passes and we are looking at pics from last year's vacation on FB because we were going back to the same spot but renting a different house.  Just looking at memories.  Well, then I go to Beth's FB and look at her pics mainly looking for ones she had from last year.  My dad pays for a house for all of us to stay in which is really fun and nice!!  Then I go to Ann's FB.  Well, as I'm scrolling down, (get ready to gasp) there's a pic with Tara and guess what she's wearing????  THE PURSE.  So I nicely text Ann that I was looking through pics and I was soooo excited because there's a pic with Tara and she has the purse.  No response.  Next thing I know I'm getting a text from Tara telling me that her friend gave her that purse and to stop asking about it and how dare I accuse her of stealing it.  I'm holding my phone going, what in the what??  So I text her and tell her that I'm not comfortable discussing this with her.  Next text goes to Ann saying I think we need to talk.  No response.  Go on vacation.  Ann sends Megan (11) with my dad.  Ann and Tara don't come.  We hunt shells with Megan, play in the waves with her, cook for her, buy her dinner, pay for her to parasail and buy her souvenirs.  Seriously, me and Beth split it.  My dad did give her some spending money and she spent that in addition to what we got her.  But once she was out of that it's not like I would buy my kids stuff and not ask her if she wanted anything.  Oh....and in all of this because Ann never responded to my texts or calls, I went and bought Rachel another purse to take with her.  Oh....and my mom had a key to our house to feed our cat and she gave it to Ann to come use our printer.  So get home and take a deep breath and text Ann about the purse again.  She responds this time and said I'll keep an eye out for it but I haven't seen it.  So then I text her and say, "Oh, Tara knows which purse it is because she responded to me but said a friend gave it to her.  Could you please talk to the friend's mom and make sure that isn't Rachel's and she just forgot where she got it."  Umm, do you think I got a response??  Nope.  So another day or two goes by.  Then I call Steve.  He tells me that he talked to Ann and she told him the purse that Tara has is not the same as Rachel's, that it's a different style, and that her friend Dana gave it to her.  I tell him that it is the exact same one.  I hang up with him and text Ann.  Now, am I getting angry?  Yes, definitely.  But I still try to keep this civil.  I calm myself down and then text Ann that I talked to Steve and that there must be a misunderstanding because the purse in the picture of Tara on Ann's FB is the EXACT same one that Rachel is missing.  I even tell her that if Dana's mom says Dana gave it to Tara then to ask where she got it because it's an old style and I can't find it to replace it.  Do I hear back from her?  Nope.  So, I'm like this is getting absolutely ridiculous.  I'm still thinking it might be possible that it's not Rachel's.  Yes, pure denial.  I know that now.  But I was tearing through boxes in my house and out in our shed and actually hoping that I could say I found it.  So still don't hear from Ann.  So I message Dana and say, "Hey, this is Tara's aunt.  Where did you get the purse that you gave Tara because my daughter loves it and wants one."  Never ever would I even imply that I thought Tara had 'borrowed" it.  The response was, "What purse??"  So I say the white Michael Kors.  She never responds and I don't message her again about it.  It pretty much told me that was a lie.  But I'm sitting there telling my husband that I can see a kid lying, but really would my own sister do that to me?  I had just gotten done treating her child like I would think she'd treat mine if the roles were reversed on vacation.  At this point, I'm hurt and angry and just confused.  So moving along... me, Rachel, my younger daughter, Zoe, Beth and Brooke all go to swim at my mom and dad's house.  Zoe stays inside with my mom.  She had her period and doesn't like tampons so she plays on her phone or computer and visits.  My mom was inside.  Well, Tara and Megan come.  Megan comes outside to swim and we treat her just like normal.  Pretty soon Rachel and Brooke are heading inside.  We told them that they were not supposed to be rude.  I'm still believing this needs to be handled by the adults.  But Zoe comes out and tells me that Tara is in there telling my mom how we are accusing her of stealing a purse that her friend gave her and so now she's had to block us from her phone and Twitter and so on.  That applies more to Rachel than me, but I guess she blocked me on her phone.  Rachel never even texted Tara about the purse, but I guess she was being pro-active!  We were where Megan had no idea what Zoe was telling me.  We could have been talking about anything just laying on the chairs.  So I tell Zoe to just have fun and not worry about it.  Well, Rachel and Zoe go inside and I guess started to say something to my mom about that nobody had accused Tara of stealing but when there's a pic of her with the exact same purse then that would be a big coincidence.  They didn't even get to finish that before my mom told them to stop and that she didn't want to hear a word about the purse.  So Zoe said but you listened to Tara's side and were nodding yeah, yeah to her.  My mom called Zoe a liar.  Zoe came outside upset.  I'm like just forget it and don't talk to her (my mom).  I know that may sound so strange and I've come to realize that my reaction doesn't seem normal to most of the world!!  This is just the way it has always been.  It's the way I've grown up.  It's the way I've dealt with my mom.  My sister, Beth, feels the same too.  Sadly, we tell our kids that my mom is crazy and so you just have to ignore her.  No joke.  Sad, but the honest truth.  So me and Beth just continue on with our day.  Tara had already had an issue with Beth and Brooke the week before so said she hated them and wanted them to leave her alone.  So now me and Rachel were just added to that list over the purse since I had texted about it again after vacation.  I guess they thought I'd just forget about it??  I can't even guess what their thought process was on it.  So back to the pool.  Brooke decided she wants a Sonic drink.  So I say I'll take them to Sonic.  We ask Megan what she'd like and she says a Blast so off me, Brooke, and Rachel go.  We go in the house and the only one in there is Zoe so we tell her we're going to Sonic and she says she wants a Blast too.  My mom slams the garage door.  I'm like, Whatever, and leave.  We come back and swim and then just go home.  Zoe tells me on the way home that my mom was whipping the towels as she was folding them.  She was like, "Mom, I could tell she was so mad."  She was also mad and hurt that my mom called her a liar.  I told her that we've talked about how she is and it's not okay but we can't change her.  That night, 11:00/11:30, already in bed but my phone is blowing up.  I'm getting texts from Tara that are nasty.  So I try to text and call Ann but of course no response.  Tara is texting me that my mom even knows that's her purse.  So I pick up the phone and call my mom.  I'm like, are you serious?  Yes, I'm mad.  She's like I just want to stay out of this.  So I say to her then to go tell Tara to stop texting me and that she needs to tell Tara not to say things to me that my mom didn't say.  My mom actually says to me that Tara said her friend gave her that purse.  Seriously????!!!!!  I tell her that I'm done.  I tell her she called my child a liar and slammed the door and folded towels like a crazy person.  I tell her that she treated Beth nicely until I got there.  (I left that out at the beginning but Beth told me that before I got there my mom was talking to her but once I came she got her attitude.)  So she calls Beth and starts telling her that I said Beth said that she slammed the door and other stuff.  Beth calls me with my mom on one phone and me on the other.  I'm like, no I didn't say that you said (because that's not how I worded it).  I told her I said, "You treated Beth nice until I got there."  I didn't start that with "Beth said..."  SO after about 15 minutes of screaming my mom finally says that maybe that's how it was said.  She hangs up on Beth.  So then me and Beth are talking about how crazy she is.  Doesn't sound nice, but it's the only way we've made it this far.  I told Beth that she actually said to me "You are ruining this family over a stupid purse."  Yep, that's what my mom said to ME.  I'm like I can't understand her.  I didn't take the purse out of the closet, I didn't lie, and I'm not ignoring it.  All I wanted was Rachel's purse back and it would have been dropped and done.  Believe me, we've had things go missing and I've just replaced them and not said a word.  I absolutely hate drama.  I'm one of those moms who sits in their car when picking up their child and probably seems anti-social but I've grown up with so much drama in my life that I just avoid it to the extreme.  I don't like to hear gossip about other people.  My mom has always talked to us about what she hates about my dad and gossips about me and my sisters to each other.  When you have that in your life and deal with that, it's tiring.  And, yes, I've tried to distance myself from my mom.  Then you know what you get?  Guilt.  It's a no win spot to be in and all I can say is that I've learned to tune her out the best that I can when I talk to her.  And typically when I feel the need to call her is to tell her about something great one of my kids has done, but that's not really interesting to her so the conversation always changes.  And I find myself always hopeful that this time will be different.  Well, enough of my pity party.  So, back to the purse.  So I'm on the phone talking to Beth and then get a text from Tara that the stupid purse is on the porch.  Stupid me thinks I'm going to go to my door and find the purse.  Ummm, nope!!  So I just go to bed.  It was a Sunday night.  On Monday, I get a nasty text from Ann that basically says to leave the purse alone because it is Tara's and her friend gave it to her and she's even worn it around us.  So on Monday afternoon I go to the therapist.  She kindly squeezes me in for an emergency session.  I show her all of the texts and tell her what has happened.  This is Rachel's therapist so she kind of knows our history.  She's like, "I am so sorry and you are not crazy."  She tells me she believes that my mom and Ann may have a gene that makes them this way and without therapy there's not much I can do besides put some distance between my family and them and to set strong boundaries when I'm around them.  Also, that it's perfectly okay to tell my kids they are crazy so they know this is not normal behavior.  So, I just move on.  We go that weekend to the lake and have a great time.  Then out of the blue, Steve texts me.  He wants to let me know that he had a loud conversation with Tara but that the purse is Rachel's.  He says he believes Rachel left it there and that Tara truly just forgot whose purse it was.  I know, I know!!!  Why would Tara say Dana gave it to her and so on if she just truly forgot whose purse it was?  At this point, I'm just happy I'm getting the purse back.  Right?  So I send Ann a text that says, "Hey Steve texted and Tara told him that's Rachel's purse so you can either drop if off or we can come by and get it."  Steve had told me that he didn't have the purse.  That I'd have to deal with Ann to get it back. I never hear from Ann.  Rachel is constantly at me asking if I've heard back from Ann.  I tell her no and that I probably won't.  So Rachel texts Ann and says, Hey, Aunt Ann, can we come by and get my purse?  Ann's response is that she doesn't have it.  She says she threw it on the porch at my parent's house that night and a cat must have dragged it off.  NO JOKE!  So I tell Rachel that we are just done.  We tried.  I tried to do this nicely.  I tried to do it without drama.  I am always trying to be an example to Rachel because I don't want her to grow up like my mom or Ann.  She is a typical teenager and can be dramatic and cause drama so I feel extra pressure on myself to really teach her what a negative toll that can take on your life.  There are many times that I have to catch myself.  I honestly believe that Rachel needing therapy for anxiety has saved me and her.  The time that I've spent with Rachel's therapist talking about the way I grew up and issues that I faced really showed me that I was extremely aware of any struggles Rachel was facing.  So to this day, Rachel didn't get her purse back.  And to this day, my mom is still saying that I am ruining this family over a stupid purse that Rachel didn't even use and I need to just let it go.  Did a purse ruin this family?  In my opinion, absolutely not.  This all started over a purse, yes.  I still don't understand why they just didn't give it back.  If they would have just said, "OH, yeah, Rachel left that purse here," everything would have been fine.  I would have known that from now on we better not leave anything in Rachel's room that might go missing.  I would have known Rachel didn't leave the purse there.  BUT I wouldn't have said a word.  This would have just been a warning to me that I better be more careful about what's left out.  Instead, they chose to lie.  I think for me it's the lies and disrespect that come with it that I can't get past.  I have with Tara.  She texted me just two days ago and asked if I could print some tickets for her.  Of course I did.  But Ann chose to lie to me and hurt my child.  I can't just let that go.  I've really thought hard over this.  If this were the first time something like this happened with Ann, maybe I'd feel different.  She has lied and manipulated before and I've moved on and just let it go.  I don't know what makes this time different.  I think maybe I just hit my breaking point.  If you read Ann's story when I write that you'll get a better idea of the other things Ann has done.  I'm sad and mad.  I've told myself that if Ann apologizes, I will let it go.  But I need at least an acknowledgment that the way she treated me and my family was not okay.  It wasn't okay to lie to us.  It's not okay that Rachel is still out a purse.  My husband works hard and we are far from being able to just go out and replace the purse without it hurting our budget.  We're not poor, but we work hard and save for anything that we have and it takes quite some time to get those things.  I'm not sure what to think about my relationship with my mom.  My mom comes from an abusive background and I believe that her thing is to block out anything bad and protect people who do bad things, like cover up for them??  Maybe.  So I usually ignore or excuse her behavior because of this, but my kids are my everything and for her to be willing to hurt them just doesn't sit right with me.  My first priority is them and always will be.  I'm not going to let ANYBODY hurt them.  The hard part is that my kids are kids and want to see their Grandma.  They forget until she does it again and then it all comes back up.  It's hard to balance that.  For now I'm staying away from my mom.  Until she figures out that I am not to blame for this, I feel like the cycle will just keep repeating itself.  I want to remove myself from being one of the victims in that cycle.  I don't want my kids to become their victims either.  So, I'll wrap this up by saying that I love my family with all my heart, but I have to love myself and my kids enough to put us first.