Mom

Okay, Mom...she's a treat for sure!  First, I love my mom dearly.  She's definitely cray-cray, but in the end she's my mom and she's part of who I am.  So, a little background on her.  She came from a very large...9 kids...poor family.  We are talking kill your own chickens and ducks poor.  Her mom didn't work.  Her dad was an alcoholic, abusive man.  I would say that her childhood sucked to sum it up!  She married my dad when she was twenty-something, I would say early twenties.  From stories, they only dated a couple of times and then he was off to Vietnam.  She tells us that they stayed with my dad's friends on their honeymoon (umm, should have been her first clue) and then when they got back, he left her home and went and partied with his friends until the wee hours of the night.  Now, just a side note, remember that when I talk about Dad.  You would swear that he switched lives with his long-lost twin somewhere along the road!!  We had a pretty normal childhood.  My mom had a home daycare for as long as I can remember.  My friends would need somewhere to go after school and that's pretty much how it would start.  My mom always had a few friends, but I wouldn't consider them besties or even close.  Being the oldest, I believe I was the only one who ever got grounded or punished.  My middle sister, Beth, would scream, yell, and cry until she got her way.  She was the typical "middle" child and still is today!!!  Ann was the baby.  Ann was the worst.  Ann made everyone around her miserable.  My mom still considers Ann the baby.  Ann has two kids and my mom will protect the oldest like a lion.  That's when the worst of my mom comes out.  I would say that my son and Ann's oldest are by far my mom's favorites and the rest of the kids know it!  With my son being about 6 years older than the rest of the group of grandchildren, it really isn't that obvious or an issue.  I think most of the kids feel he's treated somewhat different because he's so much older. I'm not saying it's ok, but it just isn't an issue.   Does she still baby him?  Most definitely.  But when you have 6 kids who are just each a year apart, it becomes more of an issue.  The biggest problem is with the three oldest girls.  Tara (17) is Ann's oldest, Brooke (16) is Beth's oldest, and Rachel (15) is my oldest daughter.  Just like the extreme difference in personalities of me and my sisters, that holds true with these girls.  Tara and Ann's relationship is "rocky" to put it nicely.  And remember they lived with my parents.  My mom would protect Tara from Ann's borderline verbal abuse.  Tara definitely shows the affects of both her parents troubled marriage and her rocky relationship with her mom.  Both Brooke and Rachel constantly have problems with Tara.  My mom always takes Tara's side, even though she states she's not taking sides.  She always has an excuse for Tara's behavior.  I would say she has always done the same for Ann.  As a teen, my parents tried going to tough love meetings, they had to call the police on Ann because she was terrorizing them.  It never, ever changed.  I mean, eventually Ann moved out after she got married, so during that time Ann would fight with her husband and my parents would get involved in some way and she would end up home for a few days and go back again.  During her long stays with my parents, she terrorized them though.  I would get calls in the middle of the night saying they didn't know what to do with my sister or I'd have to listen for hours about the drama of the night the next morning. Just up until about a year ago, my dad paid my sister's rent because they just couldn't have her in the home.  BUT my mom always had an excuse for her later.  She'd say she thinks she needs medicine.  They tried putting her on some anxiety-type medicine as a teen.  Know what she did?  She swallowed the whole bottle of pills at 15 when my dad told her that she couldn't take the car!!  My mom was supposed to go shopping with me and Beth for Beth's prom dress that day.  I swear to this day that Ann just didn't like the attention being away from her.  Beth and Ann always had an issue with being the one in the spotlight.  The doctors even said they didn't feel like she was trying to commit suicide.  They talked to her and after hearing the story pretty much came to the conclusion that she was acting out for attention.  Guess what?  Tara did the exact same thing.  Circumstances were different, and they were diet pills, and she landed herself in a "mental" hospital for teens for about a week, but when you get down to the bones of it....it was for attention.  It happened over a year ago.  Now, every time she goes on the attack and someone bites back, she starts in on the "OMG, I tried to kill myself last year because I hate this family so much.  Y'all are so mean to me." Now, you will hear more about the details and my feelings when I write about Tara and Ann, but I had to give you a glimpse so you could see where we stand with my mom in the situation.  My mom doesn't see that catering to their every wish and desire just keeps the cycle going around and around.  Has my mom seen a counselor?  Yep!  But she wanted him to wave a magic wand and make everything rosy.  When she found out it would take work from her to change, she said he wasn't helping her.  She didn't like what he had to say so quit.  She'd much rather live in the drama even though she says she wouldn't.  And my parent's marriage if that's what you would even call it is pretty much non-existent.  I would consider them roommates.  It's been like that forever.  My mom and dad got along for the most part when we were growing up, but there was always that strained feeling.  Now, my mom pretty much complains about him constantly.  Beth and I have talked and both pretty much do the same thing when she starts...change the subject!!!  My mom does live in a smaller house now.  My dad was always cheap.  We were never poor, but my dad was so cheap that we lived with lawn furniture as living room furniture in our 4000 square foot house.  My parents always did and still do argue about money.  When my dad lost his job years and years ago, they sold the 4000 sq. ft. house and moved into one that's about 1600.  It could be a very cute and comfortable home for them.  It has a pool which my mom loves.  But her kitchen is only part done.  The ceiling is basically drywall, she doesn't have baseboards throughout the kitchen or living room.  It's just basically a mess. My dad doesn't feel that's important stuff.  Does he have the money to remodel the entire house top to bottom?  Yep!  He won't touch a penny of it though.  My mom works full time now at a department store and she gets a social security check, but she's still paying off credit cards.  She's the complete opposite of my dad and spends beyond her means.  Oh, plus Ann loves to charge on their cards.  I finally told them I didn't want to hear any complaining about it anymore because all they had to do was shut off the card!!!!  More about that with Ann's story.  I haven't heard anything more on that but I know Ann still goes crying to my mom for grocery and gas money.  I just pick up little pieces in my mom's conversation about that, but I don't ask for any details.  It's tiring.  I think it's been about 15 years now of the same old stuff and my mom won't do anything to change it but she loves complaining about it.  Oh, and I should add that she loves gossiping about Beth to me and I'm sure she does the same about me to Beth...maybe Ann is in there too but she's pretty much in a category all on her own!  For now, that's my summary on mom.  That's just a small peek into what's to come once I summarize each of my family members.